


Finding

by devo79



Series: Feral [1]
Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Kid Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-15
Updated: 2012-04-15
Packaged: 2017-11-03 17:42:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 15
Words: 11,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/384142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/devo79/pseuds/devo79
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Initiative mix DNA from Xander and Hostile 17 to impregnate a young human woman, creating a hybrid child.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Xander left Sunnydale before Spike turned up at Giles’s house. Anya never existed. Angel never went semi-evil, so he never let Darla and Dru kill those lawyers. Spike left Sunnydale after Glory and went to work with Angel. Sunnydale still exists.

“Get your hands off me,” Xander growled but Angel and Spike were still arguing. Angel’s hands still grabbing him and occasionally thumping him against the wall. 

“Don’t touch me!” 

*Make it stop. Not Pack. Can’t touch.* 

Xander could feel the hyena push him aside, his thoughts turning into pictures and simple words. Spike was saying something. Maybe it was important but Xander just couldn’t concentrate enough to understand. Angel answered in a low hiss and tightened his hold on Xander’s coat. 

*Not Pack. Not food. Predator.* The hyena was getting frantic, flooding his mind and Xander let go. “Not Pack can’t touch. Don’t touch.” 

He growled and Angel turned and looked at him. 

“What the bloody hell?” Spike’s voice seemed distant. 

“His eyes…” was all Angel managed to say before he was pushed away and Xander was across the room. 

*Need room. Can’t breathe.* Xander started pacing back and forth like a tiger in a cage. He never took his eyes off Angel or Spike. *Need to find her. Need the Pack.* Xander retreated to a corner and just stood there. 

*Need control. Need HER. Need…* and then a picture of blond curls and brown eyes filled his mind, a smell of baby and soap and HER. 

“He’s completely off his rocker, he is.” Spike said shaking his head. 

“Help,” Xander managed to bypass the hyena. “Can’t find…need…” Xander’s hands seemed to hold on to thin air, searching. 

Angel walked toward him. “What do you need Xander?” 

Xander tried to rein the hyena in. *Need. Need! Pack! Find HER…I know it’s okay. I know. They’ll help.* And Xander focused on a picture of HER sleeping. Chubby hands around her favourite stuffed toy and gentle snores and WARMTH and HER. 

“I need… her…I need to find…my baby…” and he found a word that the hyena would never use, a word she didn’t understand “Please.” 

He collapsed in a heap on the floor and whimpered and keened until he passed out. 

“Didn’t he up an’ leave couple years back?” Spike asked tapping Xander with a booted foot. 

Angel knelt next to Xander and looked up at Spike. “Yeah. Packed his stuff and left without saying goodbye. Buffy was really angry and Willow…well you know Willow.” 

Spike nodded. Yeah he knew Red and he knew they never talked about Xander. 

“So,” Spike said “How come he smells like family?”


	2. Chapter 2

He felt woozy. He had the feeling that he needed to be doing something. He was probably just tired. 

In a minute she’d come running in and jump on the bed. She’d be talking a mile a minute and he’d smile and say whatever she wanted to hear just so he could get one maybe, oh blessed God, five more minutes of sleep. 

Any minute now...

Any…

“Fuck,” he jumped off the couch and immediately started checking his surroundings. 

He needed to find the information. He needed…that empty feeling to go away. 

“Well, will ya look at that.” 

Xander turned around and stared at “Spike?” *No no need the other one* 

“Where's Angel?” Xander looked around. 

“He’s gone off to call Slutty and the others.” 

Spike nodded in the direction of Angel’s office and before he could react Xander was pushing past him and practically ripping the office door off its hinges. 

Angel looked up and was about to say something when the phone was pulled away and the cord ripped out of the wall. Xander was frantic.

He needed to calm down. Shit. If he didn’t he would lose control and a lot could be said about the hyena but she wasn’t much for talking that was for sure. 

“Don’t call them,” Xander said. 

Angel stood up looked over at Spike, who was examining the door, and slowly lifted his hands palms up. *Submitting. Showing weakness.* 

“Okay. Look Xander I only had time to call Cordy. Okay? Is that okay?” Angel spoke slowly and kept his hands where Xander could see them. 

*Cordy. Pack? No! Harmless?* Xander shook his head. 

“You didn’t call Buffy?” Xander needed information. Angel had information but if he’d called Buffy…*Need to go. Not Pack.* 

“No Xander I didn’t,” Angel slowly reached out a hand and touched Xander’s shoulder. 

“What do you need?” Angel repeated the question he had asked the night before. 

Xander pulled a picture from his pocket. He stood there holding on to it as if it was his most cherished possession. Then he slowly handed it over to Angel. The vampire took it and looked at it. 

Spike came over and stood next to Angel. “Who’s she then?” he asked pointing a finger at the smiling little girl in the picture. 

*Mine. Pack.* 

“She’s my daughter and she’s gone. They took her."


	3. Chapter 3

“So he’s looking for his daughter, yeah?” Spike asked.

“Yes,” Angel looked at the picture in his hand.

“An’ the whelp want ya to find her,” Spike took a sip of his blood. They both looked over at Xander. He was looking through book after book searching.

“An’ when he’s found out what big bad took her we’ll go off an’ rescue her?”

Angel just nodded. He hated cases with kids involved. They ended up dead.

“So ya haven’t really answered my question,” Spike pointed out.

“Which one would that be?” Angel turned a little in his chair so he faced Spike.

“Why he smells like family?” Spike put the mug down on the table.

Xander stood up and quickly moved over to where the two vampires were talking.

“Here!” He said pointing to a drawing of a tall demon with claw-like hands and what looked like a tail with thorns on it.

“They took her. Four of them. We can find her now…right? Right?”

“Calm down, Xander.”

\-----------------------------------------------

“Calm down, Xander” Riley said reaching out to steady him. Xander kept his eyes closed. Maybe if he didn’t open them he’d go away. Maybe he wouldn’t have to go through hell today if they thought he was asleep.

“Dr. Jennesy says you had a rough night after the treatment yesterday.” 

Xander snorted. Treatment, yeah sure Riley we can call it that.

“She says you’re healing real fast now. Faster then they thought you would.”

“Don’t wanna…please,” Xander knew it wouldn’t work. Pleading. It never did.

They wanted a show and he was it.

He found thinking harder and harder to do. His mind was like…like…sand. Yes his mind was like sand and it was slowly slowly…tired he was so tired and hungry but he’d stopped telling them that. Was never gonna ask for food again. Ever. Didn’t feel like ripping a living bunny rabbit in two ever again.

He knew this feeling. It was her. The hyena. His hyena and she was slowly taking over. He started whining and inching away from Riley. Buffy’s Riley. The TA that tormented him. He was laughing but it was too high pitched. Not really human.

Riley told someone to hold him still. Xander felt the needle go in. Not sedative today. Never that lucky. Whatever it was it was good. It calmed down the hyena.

“Hush-a-bye baby, on the tree top. When the wind blows, the cradle will rock,” Xander mumbled rocking back and forth. Riley’s fingers seemed to sink deeper into Xander’s shoulder.

”Maybe we should give him something to knock him out?” Riley sounded upset. Weird.

”No,” someone else said.

”It would interfere with the experiment. As it is we are already finding it hard to control the hyena. He’ll fall asleep eventually. We can’t sedate him as long as he’s part of the experiment. And that won’t be finished for three month maybe more.”

Three months, right...sure he could do that no problem. Hey torture wasn’t all that bad. A couple months…*Out need out. Smells wrong here. Smells like fear.*

”Sshhh,” Xander said making the doctor and Riley turn to look at him. ”’S gonna be alright…No more bad smells…When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall. And down will come baby, cradle, and all.”


	4. Chapter 4

It was always smart to know who wanted to kill you. But it was infinitely smarter to know where those people were. So Xander had always kept track of Angel.

Because even if he had a soul it was the Velcro kind. That hadn’t changed when Xander moved to L.A. Ah, well moved was the wrong word. Ran like hell from crazy scientists intending to kill his baby girl would be more accurate. He was sitting in a car next to Deadboy. The souled one kept looking at him oddly.

“Velcro?” Angel asked.

He’d said that out loud? It happened sometimes. Because he wasn’t always sure if it was him thinking or the hyena.

\----------------------------------------------------

“She isn’t coming is she?” He asked in a rasping whisper. He’d almost lost his voice during his last ‘treatment’. Constant screaming and begging could do that.

“Who?” Riley said as he put Xander’s food down on the floor.

“B-buffy,” Xander reached out touching the bread.

“No,” Riley said. “No she’s not.”

\-------------------------------------------------------

“So where’s her mother?” Angel asked as they entered Xander’s apartment.

It was totally smashed. The couch was shredded and the TV in pieces on the floor. He didn’t answer. What could he say?

Oh well they killed her…

Never knew her…

See her sometimes when Beth smiles or maybe that’s the other one…

“Gone,” he said as he gathered clothes and toys and Mister Fang. If a stuffed toy could look lost and lonely then that’s what the Dracula doll did.

\---------------------------------

“Mister fang wants more cake!”

“Mister Fang only drinks blood, Pumpkin”

“Oh…can I have some blood, Daddy?”

“Sure, Honey.”

\---------------------------------

“You ready?” Angel looked at him.

“Yeah,” Xander held the stuffed toy closer to his chest.

Angel picked up the two bags and walked out of the door. Xander followed but stopped just outside the broken door. He would never return here. It smelled wrong.

If he concentrated he could still scent Beth. Warmth and baby shampoo and apples. But all over her scent was a stronger, wrong stench. It smelled like rotten eggs and that smell old garbage containers always had. Like something had dragged its sorry ass to his apartment just to lay down and die.

*Not pack!*

“No,” Xander whispered as he closed what remained of the door “Not pack.”

He looked at the key in his hand and just dropped it in the hallway before he walked out of the building.

\-----------------------------------

He was choking.

“Just drink it, Xander!” Riley said poring the disgusting thick blood down his throat. Xander sputtered and gagged. The blood filling his mouth and nose. Closing his airways.

“For fucks sake just drink it!” Riley pinched Xander’s nose.

He felt light-headed like that time when he was a kid and his dad swung him round and round and round until he didn’t know what was up or down. He remembered his dad laughing when they both fell down because they were sooo dizzy.

*Nonononononononononononono*

She wailed somewhere in the back of his head. He sometimes wondered if she ever…

“Stupid fuck’s gonna choke to death.”

Xander swallowed. He’d never tried to swallow motor oil but he was sure it would feel like this. Next time Riley brought him a bowl filled with blood…..

he just drank it.


	5. Chapter 5

“So Sn’arf said he’d heard about this little girl being held in an old apartment block downtown. Hadn’t see her but sounds like Xander’s little one,” Spike said.

“You trust this Sn’arf?” Angel asked Gunn.

“Yeah. Don't have no reason for lying,” Gunn said and Spike nodded. Xander was sitting on the floor watching them. Angel, Spike, Gunn and Wesley.

He slowly got up and said “So what are we waiting for?”

“We can’t just go there, man. We don’t know if it’s a trap,” Gunn said.

Xander looked at Angel. “This is your…pack,” he waved a hand toward the men.

“I understand you wanna keep them safe. I’ll go get her on my own. Just give me…”

“No,” Angel and Spike interrupted.

“She’s mine and she’s all alone,” Xander growled. Wesley and Gunn took a step back.

*No pack. No protection. Fragile. Soft.*

“Look,” Gunn said “Sn’arf almost crapped his pants when he heard the girl belonged to one of our guys…” Gunn continued talking but Xander didn’t hear.

*One of Our Guys. Pack? New Pack? Not alone?* Xander started whining. A small noise in the back of his throat. Angel and Spike both looked up, nostrils flaring and eyes golden. Angel abruptly stood up clenching and unclenching his big hands. Spike seemed to lean slightly forward.

“Get out,” Angel growled.

“Wha’?” Gunn asked.

Wesley looked from Xander to Angel to Spike. Grabbed Gunn by the shoulder and dragged him out of the office. The second the door closed behind the two humans Angel and Spike cornered Xander, who didn’t stop whining. He just tilted his head slightly. Baring his neck. Submitting.

Xander knew that Angel was the Alpha in this pack. Spike was the second in command.   
He wasn’t sure where the humans fitted in but if he played his cards right he might still end up…

“Stop that!” Angel snarled pushing Xander against the wall.

What? What should he stop? *Not accepted…no…didn’t want.*

Xander continued to whine and send out pheromones. Kept submitting. But then Spike’s hand curled around Xander’s throat and squeezed.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing, Spike?” Angel asked.

“Accepting,” Spike answered. Angel just looked confused.

“Oh for God’s sake! I know ya got yourself a bloody soul an’ all but can’t tell me ya don’t remember ‘bout submitting…about acceptance!” Spike squeezed a little harder. Angel seemed uncertain but then reached out and put his hand around Xander’s throat as well.

\--------------------------------------------------- 

They stripped him.

Not of his clothes. He still wore the strange off-white two-piece scrubs he’d worn since waking up. They stripped him of his humanity. Peeled it off like a second skin leaving him raw and vulnerable.

Gave her more room to play, expand. And she did. Giving him no chance to fight back. Because if he wanted to live, if he wanted to stay sane or as close to it as possible, then he would need her.

*Safe. Hide. Let me. Let me. Let me.*

And there was no greater freedom to be found in his cell than when he let her roam free and take control. Soon he was the one lurking in the shadows of his own mind.

\-----------------------------------------------------

“I’m calling Lorne,” Angel said, his eyes glued to Xander sleeping on the floor by Spike’s feet. After they had both accepted him he had started crying, sobbing and whining. Spike had petted Xander’s hair and eventually the boy fell asleep. Now both vampires were wondering what the hell they were suppose to do.

“Lorne?” Spike asked.

“Something is not right with him. He smells like…”

“Family,” Spike ended Angel’s sentence.

“And the whining and…Maybe I should just call Buffy.”

“You promised not to, Angel. And if ya lose his trust he’ll go get his little girl on his own.”

“Shit!” Angel ran a hand over his tired eyes.

“And you accepted him. Ya know what that means?” Spike asked.

“My responsibility,” Angel groaned. Spike nodded and let his fingers play with a strand of Xander’s hair.

\------------------------------------------------------

He’d given up. He didn’t remember exactly when it happened - but it did. Maybe it was that first time one of the guards got bored. Got bored and horny and hey Xander was there and he didn’t really want to think about that.

Or maybe it happened before he was thrown in a cell and tortured. Maybe it happened years before he even met the Slayer.


	6. Chapter 6

Angel had offered Xander a room. The hotel was big and some of the rooms were habitable. But Xander needed to be near the front doors, needed to defend the pack.

Just like in the apartment, he slept facing the door.

\-----------------------------------

There is just something basically wrong with the world when you can’t even cry anymore. 

When you don’t have any tears left.

\---------------------------------

Xander had asked Angel about Cordy. He still hadn’t seen her. Angel seemed strangely embarrassed but Spike explained.

“Peaches here didn’t want the bint ta see ya like this,” Spike said.

“Look. Xander, we both know how Cordy can be. She’d ask too many questions.”

Angel was looking intently at the floor. Xander was relieved. He wouldn’t have to deal with anyone from Sunnydale. Not yet.

\-----------------------------------

He woke up to pain. Mind numbing, fear rendering pain. He was strapped to a bed. Needles punctured his skin and he felt light-headed. White clad people were standing around him talking.

“Yeah. Mindy wants us to buy a new house…give me the scalpel…You know, so the girls can have their own space…make sure to extract at least 2 units of blood…But I’m just so tired of her constant nagging…how’s the heart rate?”

“He’s gaining consciousness, doctor. The anaesthetics have worn off.”

More pain.

“We’re almost done…stop the extraction of blood…So I saw this really great house just outside town…prepare to extract semen for Vessel 4...It’ll shut her up and maybe I’ll get a chance to actually use the bathroom for once when the girls have their own.”

He passed out.

\----------------------------------------

Wesley was pointing out access points. The blueprints were rolled out on Angel’s desk, held down by stakes.

“Sn’arf said they had her on the second floor but if they are trying to perform some kind of ritual…well the basement would be better suited,” Angel nodded and looked at Wesley.

“Do we have any idea what ritual?” Wesley shook his head and they all looked at Xander. He had a stuffed toy in his hand and was growling at Wesley.

“Xander!” Spike said. Xander looked down and stopped growling.

\---------------------------------------------

There were no mirrors in his cell. He wanted desperately to check that he was still him. To look in the mirror and see a carefree young man. Whole, healthy, sane.

He wondered when he had changed. He wondered if the change had been subtle or spectacular.

\------------------------------------------------

Angel and Spike were talking in hushed voices. It would be all right. The pack would see to that. Xander knew he wasn’t in the driver seat right now. Hell, he wasn’t even in the God damn car.

He hadn’t really been since the demons kicked his front door down. He hoped she wouldn’t forget him.Wouldn’t leave him behind stumbling blindly around in the back alleys of his own mind.

He was pretty sure there were things lurking back there that he really didn’t want to bump into.

\--------------------------------------------------

“He’s awake, right?” someone asked.

“Yeah. He’s just pretending,” his pants were pulled down.

“He looks human,” he was turned around. Placed on his stomach.

“Better than those fucking vamps! They’re so fucking cold,” the sound of a zipper sliding open.

“Is he human?” a hand on his neck. Pushing.

“Who the fuck cares? He’s here and we only have like two hours before next shift.”

“If Riley or Graham find out…”

“They wont…” pain flared out engulfing his entire being “…find out if you keep your mouth shut.”


	7. Chapter 7

“Our security has been breached…” the doctor tap-tap-tapped his ballpoint pen on his clipboard   
“we need to move some of the more fragile experiments to a secure place.”

“Will the experiments on Xa…Subject 24 end now that we’ve lost the Hostile?” Riley asked looking at Xander’s curled up form on the floor.

“No. Even without Hostile 17,” tap tap tap “we’ll have enough blood to complete the experiment. And we might still need Subject 24 for the breeding experiment. We have enough blood and semen samples from Hostile 17 to complete both experiments,” the doctor made a few notes on his clipboard.

“I’ve noticed a few bruises,” Riley said kneeling down and lifting Xander’s shirt.

“Bruises? Probably from one of his treatments,” the doctor answered absentmindedly.

“No…It looks like they were made by hands, fingers…pushing here and here,” Riley indicated by running his warm hand over Xander’s hip and stomach.

“Hmmmmm. Well no matter how they were inflicted, and maybe he just gave one of the guards some trouble, he’ll be moved tonight. Make sure Subject 24 and Vessel 4 are transported not only in separate vehicles but at different times as well,” the doctor turned around and left the cell.

“Xander?” warm hands moved over his back and shoulders.

“Please don’t…please…n-no more, please.” he stuttered helplessly.

Riley froze. His hands hovering just above Xander’s body.

“Sorry,” Riley said leaning closer and whispered in Xander’s ear “It’s almost over now, Xander, almost.”

Xander wanted to laugh but it felt like something in his face was broken.

Did Riley know just how true that was? Cause Xander could feel it.

Death slowly creeping up on him.  
Bathing him in its shadow.

\---------------------------------------------------

He woke up on the couch in the lobby. Everything was quiet. Eerie almost. Spike and Angel were out looking for information. Wesley and Gunn were gone. Xander didn’t know were they went and didn’t really care.

He walked into the kitchen. Would they notice? Did they keep count? He needed the protection of the pack. Maybe he could just take a little? A mouthful?

He was standing in front of the fridge. He hadn’t gone without for more than one or two days before. Three days now. His stomach growled. He rested his forehead against the fridge door.

They wouldn’t notice. He was almost sure. He needed this. He needed to be strong. For Beth. He opened the fridge door and took out a bag of blood. Not human. Angel wouldn’t allow it. Xander sighed.

Two then. He found a mug and hurriedly emptied the first bag in it. He drank it cold. He couldn’t risk anyone hearing him use the microwave.

\--------------------------------------------

“We will need to drain him almost completely then give him transfusions,” the new doctor said looking at the two other doctors. 

“It might turn him but I doubt it. We will have to monitor him closely though.”

\------------------------------------------

Angel and Spike arrived just as Xander came out of the kitchen.

“We’ll have to go get her tonight, Peaches.” Spike said taking off his duster.

“Yeah. I’ll call Wesley and Gunn,” Angel walked over to his office.

Xander just stood there looking at the floor.

“You all right, Pet?” Spike touched Xander’s arm.

“I…I…”

“No need to fret we’ll get her back ta ya safe and sound,” Spike said. He seemed to lean in closer but then stopped. “Wha’ the bloody hell?” Spike yelled when he caught the scent of blood.

Xander ran up the stairs.

\-----------------------------------------------

“The genetic changes are astounding. Especially considering that he wasn’t turned. As you can see…” Xander’s arm was moved back and forth “The severe damage we inflicted during the test yesterday has already healed completely.”

“Truly amazing,” someone said.


	8. Chapter 8

There is a new smell.

Like pack…but not.

It lingers in the clothes of the doctors and guards. It’s confusing and unsettling. It makes the hyena nervous. She craves a pack.

\--------------------------------------------

“I don’t like this,” Angel said as he and Spike ran up the stairs.

“Whelp reeked of blood,” Spike followed the scent and stopped in front of a door. They both just stood there and waited.

“He’ll come out when he’s ready,” Angel said. “What the hell!” Angel shouted when they heard Xander throwing up.

“Open the bloody door ya git!” Spike pounded on the door. Nothing…then…the sound of throwing up again.

Angel moved Spike out of the way and kicked the door in.

\-----------------------------------------------

“Vessel 4 has delivered,” the doctor said as he administered another round of shots. Xander’s arms were covered in needle marks.

“Delivered?” Riley asked confused. Xander noticed that Riley was gently rubbing his shoulder.

“Ah well…given…birth. A female infant. Strong despite the premature delivery.”

\---------------------------------------------

Xander was on his knees in front of the toilet. There was blood on the toilet seat, on the front of his blue t-shirt and on his lips.

“Xander?” Angel asked, standing in the doorway to the bathroom.

“Move the fuck out of my way!” Spike yelled and pushed Angel further into the room. He went over to Xander and started cleaning his face with a towel.

“I-I…I’ll go…don’t need to...” Xander said looking away.

“Ya ain’t going nowhere, ya hear me?” Spike said and looked up at Angel. Angel didn’t react. “He ain’t going anywhere!” Spike emphasised standing up and looking Angel in the eyes.

”No, of course not. This…this changes nothing, Xander.” Angel stammered uncomfortably.

\-------------------------------------------------------

All the doctors seemed concerned.  
The pack scent was changing.  
It smelled weak, fading.   
It agitated Xander.

The pack needed him.

\-----------------------------------------------------

“He’s a vamp?” Gunn asked touching the stake sticking out of his front pocket.

“No?” Angel said and looked uncertain.

“Oh for crying out loud!” Spike said. He got up grabbed Xander by the wrist and dragged him through the lobby over to a door. He opened it. Pushed Xander through the doorway and out into the neglected hotel garden and closed the door again so he and Angel wouldn‘t catch fire in the sunlight.

\-----------------------------------------------------

“We’ve tried everything and yet Result 2 will not feed,” the doctor said.

“Can’t the mother nurse it?” Riley asked.

“Vessel 4 was eliminated immediately after the delivery. We had no further use for her.”

Xander growled, only Riley noticed.

“We have considered elimination for Result 2 but since it is the only successful experiment so far we are naturally reluctant to do so.”

“It’s just Subject 24 might harm her…it. He isn’t completely stable.”

“I’m almost positively sure he’ll accept her. It’s our last chance. If he doesn’t accept her she’ll die of malnutrition anyway.”

“What happened to Result 1, Doctor?” Riley asked.

“Result 1 wasn’t usable.”

\-----------------------------------------------------

Gunn opened the door and revealed a confused Xander standing in the sunny garden.


	9. Chapter 9

Wailing.  
Sad, resigned.

Xander’s mind was fuzzy. The sedatives slowly letting him resurface. The wailing continued.   
Tinged with desperation, want.

Xander opened his eyes.

\---------------------------------------

The derelict apartment block loomed over them. Xander took a step toward the building but was stopped by a hand on his shoulder. He growled and turned around. Spike.

Xander looked down. Submitting.

“We’ll go get her but not ’fore we’re ready, yeah.” Spike explained.

\--------------------------------------------

He gently lifted the skinny infant. Big blue eyes looked up at him. She was wrapped in a white blanket. It reeked of the doctors and guards. Xander removed the blanket and threw it in the corner.

He took his shirt off and wrapped her in it.

\--------------------------------------------

They slowly crept along the darkened corridors.

Xander could scent her blood.

He started whining softly.

\-------------------------------------------

Her skin was so white that he could see every vein.

\-----------------------------------------

Xander looked over at Spike just as the blond vampire lifted his booted foot to kick the door in.

\-------------------------------------------------

Sometimes the doctors came and took her away.  
He wasn’t strong enough to protect his pack.

\-----------------------------------------------

Spike ripped the head off one of the tall demons. They seemed dazed, unfocused. As if they were drunk. Angel killed several of them without a fight.

Xander followed the scent of pack. The scent of blood.

\---------------------------------------------------

She would come back with needle marks on her delicate pale skin.  
Once she came back with skin missing from her neck and shoulder.

\--------------------------------------------------

She looked so small. A small crumbled form on the alter. Her wrists were cut open. Her blood dripping down the alter into four golden bowls. Blond curls were coated with dried rust coloured blood. He could faintly hear the others fighting.

And as he stood there watching his little girl’s lifeblood dripping into golden bowls he felt the hyena retreat. She no longer needed to be in control. Xander lifted the small body off the alter and cradled her against his chest.

“No no no. Pumpkin come on…breathe baby…please.”

Her dark blue dress was soaked in blood making it seem almost black. Xander knelt down, gently rocking back and forth quietly humming. “Honey, please, please.” his trembling hand caressed her curls.

Angel and Spike were there. Angel looked away not wanting to intrude but Spike’s eyes were glued to the little girl. Xander’s franticly searched the room until he noticed a knife on the floor right in front of him. He reached out, grabbed it and before the two vampires could respond he slit his wrist.

“Xander!”

“No, Xander. Bloody hell don’t…”

Spike and Angel both stopped moving forward when Xander gently pushed his bleeding wrist to the small child’s mouth.

“Drink, baby…come on,” Xander was still rocking back and forth. At first there was no reaction from the little girl but then she started slowly drinking the blood.

Spike and Angel both knelt down next to Xander. They watched with fascination. Her smooth forehead started changing. Spike reached out and tentatively ran his index finger over the ridges that appeared. Xander started blinking attempting to stay awake. He looked at Spike.

“She needs more,” his voice was slurred and he felt light-headed from the blood loss. Xander grabbed Spike’s hand. “Please she needs…”

“No,” Angel interrupted “She might get turned…with the blood loss she’s suffered.”

“She won’t…she can’t be turned. Please Spike,” Xander pleaded.

Spike reached out and took the fragile girl. He held her close to his body as he pushed his wrist against her mouth. Startled, he felt small fangs sink into his skin.

\------------------------------------------------

They were being moved again.  
Xander was sitting in a cage in the back of a military vehicle. In the cage next to his a huge blue skinned demon was looking intently around.

Something was wrong…He could smell the demon’s anticipation. 

Angry wailing.Xander shushed her.

And then…

all hell broke loose.


	10. Chapter 10

Gunn reached out and took a firm hold of Xander’s shoulders. He started lifting the unconscious man up when he noticed someone growling at him. He turned his head and stared into Spike’s blue eyes.

“Don’t touch him!” Spike took a step forward and put his arm around Xander’s waist and used his other hand to push Gunn away.

“Hey! What the fuck is your prob…” Gunn started but he was interrupted by Angel.

“You don’t touch him,” the vampire simply announced.

Gunn turned around and was about to start an argument when he saw Angel. He was cradling the small blond girl in his arms. Her blue blood-soaked dress dripping blood on the floor. Angel looked tired, confused and angry. Gunn nodded.

\----------------------------------------------

Xander could feel the glass littering the road slicing into his skin.

A blue skinned demon was disembowelling a guard. He saw one of the other guards running in the direction of the only vehicle left in working condition. The guard was clutching something in his arms and kept looking back over his shoulder in Xander’s direction.  
He immediately became aware that she wasn’t in his arms anymore. He got to his feet. He heard a man scream.

\---------------------------------------------

“Call Cordy, Wesley.” Angel said as they started driving back to the hotel. He was still holding the child. He dried the blood off her face with the sleeve of his jacket. Her forehead was still ridged.

“Never seen anything as beautiful as that,” Spike said “Not even Dru.”

Angel looked over at Spike. The blond vampire’s eyes were fixed on the girl’s face. Xander, still unconscious from the blood loss, was leaning against Spike’s shoulder. Spike had both arms around his waist steadying him.

\----------------------------------------

Xander was kneeling next to the guards body. The infant quietly sobbing against Xander’s chest.

“Human,” a gruff voice said. Xander looked up. Blood dripped from his lips and hand. The huge demon, the blue one, the one from the cage next to his, was looming over him.

Xander slowly started licking his blood drenched fingers clean. His eyes never leaving the demon’s impressive figure. 

“Your offspring?” it asked looking at the crying infant.

“Mine,” Xander snarled.

“It’s not safe here, human.” The demon looked around scanning their surroundings. Other demons were killing the last of the guards.

“We’ll take you as far as LA,” Blue said.

\--------------------------------------------------

“What is going on? First you don’t want me to work for a week,” Cordy was following Angel up the stairs “then you call me and order me to come here,” Angel stopped in front of one of the rooms “Like I’m some kind of slave,” Angel opened the door. “Well I’m telling you mis…” Cordy’s voice trailed off.

Xander was sleeping on the big hotel bed. Spike was sitting next to him and was holding a little girl in his arms. They were all covered in blood. Cordy turned and looked at Angel.

“Angelus?” she asked.

“No,” Angel said “Not Angelus.”

“So you don’t feel an urge to wear leather pants?”

“No Cordy, no leather pants. No killing and maiming of virgins…I’m not Angelus. I didn’t do that,” he said and pointed at Xander. Spike snorted. He slowly got up and walked over to them.

“Could you help with the little bit here?” Spike asked and looked down at the child in his arms. Cordy looked at the blood smeared little girl.

“She needs a bath and clean clothes…She’s Xander’s isn’t she?” Cordy asked.

“Yeah, he’s a bit out of it…Thought ya could wash up the little one and I’d clean him up.”

“Does she have any clean clothes here?” the Seer asked.

“Xander brought some things over, it should all be in the lobby.” Angel said. Cordy nodded.

“All right. Angel I’ll use your bathroom since I know that the plumbing works there,” She started walking down the hallway. “Are you coming, Angel?”

Angel gently took the child from Spike and followed his Seer.

\------------------------------------------------

“We found some papers.” Blue said.

They were standing in an alley in Los Angeles. Blue handed a few folded pages of paper to him. There were fingerprints on them.

Blood red fingerprints.

\----------------------------------------

Cordy was looking through the bags of clothes and bits and pieces. Thank God Xander didn’t dress the girl in the same god-awful colours he’d worn in high school. Her hand closed around a stuffed toy.

She took it out of the bag. A small Dracula doll. She frowned. It made a strange noise whenever she squeezed it. She turned it around . Something was sticking out off Dracula’s back. She pulled at it and some rolled up pieces of paper came out.

There were smears of something red all over them. She opened them up and started reading.

‘Subject 24: Xander Harris

Subject has responded to treatment. Certain genetic changes have occurred. These have been more prominent since transfusions were given using Hostile 17‘s blood. Semen samples show that those changes would be passed on to any offspring. Subject 24’s possession has made it impossible to predict…’

The rest of the page had been ripped off. She looked at the next piece of paper.

‘Vessel 4 is responding to the fertility treatments and we fully expect that the impregnation will be successful. Attempts of using only genetic material from Subject 24 and Hostile 17 have been abandoned do to Result 1’s birth defects. A merging of Vessel 4, Subject 24 and Hostile 17’s genetic material is seen as the best solution. Result 1 has been….’

This page seemed to have been saved from a fire. The last piece of paper looked worn as if it had been read again and again.

‘Vessel 4: Rebecca Jensen

Age: 17’

Cordy abandoned the bags of clothes and went searching for Angel.


	11. Chapter 11

He was broke. He had three pieces of paper. Information that he really didn’t want.

But he was broke.

Broken.

\------------------------------------------

Spike lowered the unconscious young man into the tub filled with warm water. He positioned him so he wouldn’t slide down under the water. Spike walked out and slammed his fist against the wall. He hit it again and again.

“What do you think you’re doing, Spike?” Angel was looking at him.

“Go…Go in there and take a look and then tell me ya don’t feel like killing every single human that ever touched the boy,” Spike snarled and sat down on the bed.

Angel walked into the bathroom. Xander was propped against the side of the tub exposing his back and some of his chest. He was covered in scars. Small silvery ones, large patches of discoloured skin slightly pinker than the rest and surgery scars that crisscrossed his lower back and sides.

“Told ya,” Spike said from the doorway.

“We’ll find them,” Angel said through clenched teeth “Each and every one of them.”

“Ya think the little one…?” Spike’s hand indicated the scars.

“She better not! If she has as much as a scuffed knee…”

\------------------------------------------

He could do this. He had to do this. She needed more than his blood. But baby formula wasn’t cheap. He could do this.

He looked up at the man standing over him. Reached out and unzipped the man’s pants.

\--------------------------------------------

“Bloody bastards,” Spike’s fingers traced the silvery lines on Xander’s shoulder. He pulled the covers up to the boy’s chin. He sensed Angel entering the room again and without turning he said “Tell me ’bout him.”

Angel pulled up one of the chairs and looked at Xander. “I’ve never met anyone who was as loyal as Xander. Buffy had her super strength, Willow had her magic. But Xander…was just normal, human. No destiny to fulfil, no special powers. Nothing. And he still kept going. Kept fighting,” Angel looked down at the floor. “He used to talk all the time. Babble. Xander used words like Willow used magic. To protect, to fend off problems.”

“Pissed ya off, didn’t he?” Spike chuckled.

“Angel,” Cordy entered the room. She paused for a moment and looked at Xander. “We need to talk.” Angel walked out of the room and followed her down the stairs.

\-----------------------------------------------

He had killed.

He didn’t mean to but the man wouldn’t back off. Xander had given him plenty of chances to back off. He looked at the thugs body. He should have backed off.

Xander got up and dried the blood from his chin and lips with the back of his hand.

He should have backed off.

\--------------------------------------------------

“What did the Initiative call Spike?” Cordy asked.

“What? Why’d you want to know that? Shouldn’t you be with the girl?” Angel asked.

“Fred is taking care of her. Answer the question.”

“They called him Hostile 17. Now why…” Angel was interrupted by Cordy when she took his hand and put some pieces of paper in it. Angel looked at the papers and then up at Cordy. Her warm fingers curled slightly around his.

“Read,” She demanded.

Angel looked at the first piece of paper. Read it. Reread it. Then the next piece of paper and then the last one. He sat down on the couch and ran a hand through his hair.

“Oh shit!” he whispered.

“You’re going to tell him?” Cordy asked.

“No…not yet,” Angel answered.

\-------------------------------------------------

He would get the urge every few days. The hyena wanted him to go hunting. He tried to ignore it. But the longer he neglected his needs the harder it was for him to control the urge.

\------------------------------------------------

Xander woke up. He stared at the ceiling. His head hurt and he was confused but at the same time the scents in the room told him that he was safe. Surrounded by his pack. Because even with the hyena’s retreat his sense of belonging hadn’t changed. He turned around and saw Spike sleeping next to him. The vampire’s blond hair was tussled and it stuck up on the right side.

Between them, dressed in her favourite yellow pj, Beth was sleeping with one hand on Spike’s arm. Spike was holding on to Mister Fang.

Xander closed his eyes and counted to ten. If he opened his eyes again would she still be there?

\--------------------------------------------

The baby was finally asleep. Xander sat next to her on the mattress. A rat scurried over the floor of the abandoned apartment.

She needed a name. He hadn’t named her before.

Fearful that they would take her away.

\------------------------------------------------

“Elisabeth,” Xander whispered. He reached out and caressed her blond curls.

“She’s beautiful.” Xander quickly turned around in the bed and looked at Angel. The souled vampire was sitting in a chair by the door. Xander relaxed. Pack. They were safe.

“Why didn’t you go to Buffy?” Angel asked.

“Buffy?” Xander’s voice sounded as if he didn’t recognise the name.

“You’ve been dealing with this alone for…how long?”

“Four years,” Xander said and quietly got out of the bed.

“Why not go to her, to your friends?” Angel said looking away from Xander’s uncovered chest and scars.

“She’s the Slayer,” Xander stated matter-of-factly.

“She would have…”

“Staked first and asked later,” Xander said.


	12. Chapter 12

“Oh!”

Xander looked up, the mug of pig’s blood hovering near his mouth. Wesley was standing in the doorway to the kitchen with Gunn right behind him. Xander didn’t move. He was all alone. Spike was still sleeping with Beth tugged close to his chest. Angel was out. Xander was separated from the pack. 

Vulnerable. Alone.

“I…I…” Xander put the mug down on the kitchen counter and started looking for a way to escape.

“Hey man it’s all right. We ain’t here to beat you up cause of your diet,” Gunn said, walked over to the fridge and started looking for some food.

Xander hadn’t moved. Wesley was still blocking the only way out of the room and Gunn was standing way to close. He couldn’t help it. He started growling. Wesley looked startled and Gunn stopped taking things out of the fridge.

“Move away from the door,” Angel said, pushing Wesley into the kitchen. “You can’t corner him like that. Not if you want to stay alive.”   
Angel walked past Wesley and Gunn over to Xander. The younger man moved slowly toward the door. When he reached it he stopped and looked at Angel.

“It’s okay. You can go back to your room, Xander.” Angel said waving a hand in the direction of the door.

Xander turned around and left.

“What the hell is going on?” Gunn asked.

\-------------------------------------------------

Sometimes he got money by picking pockets. Or he worked in demon bars, cleaning up.

Sometimes he forgot how he got the money. It was easier. To forget.   
At least after he had finished throwing up.

\---------------------------------------------------------

“Spike, you asked me…” Angel exhaled loudly and unnecessarily “You asked me why Xander smelled like family?” Angel had prepared a long speech but he couldn’t remember a single word.

“Yeah, the bit does as well. Like family but different,” Spike nodded.

Xander and Beth had stayed at the hotel for almost a month now. Xander still seemed jumpy and nervous. He kept the girl mostly in their room and only let Angel or Spike in. He practically never spoke to the other humans and would stay out of their way.

They were both in Angel’s office and the older vampire seemed nervous and on edge.

“Well um…” Angel attempted.

“Wha’ got ya knickers all in a twist, Peaches?” Spike said and sat down in the chair opposite Angel’s.

“Okay I’m just going to say this…it might sound crazy. Xander was…Beth she…” Angel rubbed the bridge of his nose. He then got up and pulled something out of his pocket. “You won’t like this, Will.” he said and handed some papers over. Spike took them.

“Wha’?” The blond asked confused.

“Just read them. And when you’re done don’t trash my office.” Angel was almost out the door when he turned around. Spike was still holding the pieces of paper in his hand looking at Angel. 

“I’ll wait out here in the lobby. You’ll want to talk after,” he closed the door leaving Spike alone.

\-------------------------------------------

They moved a lot.  
The first year was spend in abandoned apartment blocks or condemned houses. Xander always made sure Beth had enough to eat. Even if it meant he didn’t.

\--------------------------------------------

Spike stormed out of the office and was heading for the door. Angel got up and blocked his way.

“Where are you going?” Angel asked, holding on to Spike’s upper arm.

“Out!”

“Spike,” Angel hissed and held on tighter “You can’t just leave like that…”

“Does he know? Does he, Angel?” Spike wasn’t looking at Angel.

“He knows where Beth comes from. He knows about Hostile 17. He doesn’t know that you’re Hostile 17, though.” Angel said trying to catch Spike’s eyes.

“He does now,” Spike said eyes fixed on something behind Angel’s back. Angel turned around and faced Xander. He was standing on the stairs. He seemed frozen in place.

“Xander?” Spike said “You okay?” But the boy just stood there shaking.

“You can’t have her. She…she’s mine. Pack. I’ll kill both of you if…if…” Xander started breathing erratically. He grabbed on to the banister and his knees seemed to buckle in. Spike was there in an instant holding on to him. Whispering quietly, reassuringly.

“Ain’t taking her from you. She belongs with you. You just need to keep taking care of her. Ya hear me? You need ta breathe,” Spike kept stroking Xander’s hair.

\-----------------------------------------------------

She was sick. Her body flushed with fever. He had no idea what to do. He couldn’t take her to a doctor.

Wouldn’t.

\-----------------------------------------------

“I’ve done things,” Xander said sitting on the stairs. Spike was next to him rubbing his back. Angel stood looming over both of them.

“Things that…I’ve sold…sometimes,” Xander seemed to search for the words.

“You don’t have to tell us, Xander.” Angel said. He was sure the boy could tell him things he really didn’t want to know.

“No I…have to…” Xander took a deep breath. “After…after I got away from them I was all alone. Alone with a baby and confused. I’ve done things I would never…I’ve killed people, stolen, sold…sold myself. Anything to keep her safe. Anything!” he looked up at Angel “Please, please don’t take her away. Don’t…please.”

“Xander,” Angel said and knelt down in front of the distraught young man “She’s yours. I won’t let anyone take her away from you.”

“We’ll kill anyone who tries!” Spike growled.


	13. Chapter 13

“I…I don’t know if I can,” Xander took a deep breath.

Angel was sitting on the couch holding a sleeping Beth in his arms. Spike was standing behind the couch. He tried not to stare but it felt as if his eyes were glued to her small form.

“I don’t remember much from the first couple of weeks. It’s fuzzy. I think they drugged me…and whenever they didn’t I wished they would. They did things…” Xander looked as if he was going to panic but then he continued “I can’t talk about that,” he looked at Angel. He had avoided looking at Spike for the past four hours.

“It’s okay, Xander. Tell us what you can. Tell us about Elisabeth,” Angel tugged an unruly blond curl behind her ear. Xander nodded.

“They force-fed me blood…I didn’t want it but…I could choose between swallowing it or choking…And in the end I-I,” Xander looked down at his feet and whispered “I wanted it. They didn’t have to force me. I still…well you’ve seen it.”

Spike shifted uncomfortably and finally sat down next to Angel opposite the chair Xander was curled up in.

“Sometimes. Sometimes the guards would…they’d…it stopped when they gave me Beth…but before that they…the same ones every time.”

“Bloody soldiers. They hurt ya, Xander. Not your fault,” Spike was up and pacing back and forth. He didn’t notice Xander flinch.

“I…” Xander didn’t need to say anything. Spike knew what those bastards did to pass the time. They got easily bored. If you got lucky you just got beaten up.

“Xander?” Angel asked.

“Sometimes when I woke up after they had drugged me I’d have needle marks all over and a few times I was missing patches of skin,” Xander rubbed his palms against his upper arms.

“I’m sorry I-I haven’t talked this much i-in years I…”

Angel nodded and said “How old is she?”

Xander got out of his overstuffed chair and knelt by Angels feet. Spike growled warningly but Xander didn’t seem to notice. He just touched the sleeping child’s hand.

“I don’t know. I guess she was a month or less when they gave her to me but…I don’t know how long I was in there before that happened. Three years now…maybe.”

\---------------------------------------

Xander vaguely remembered something about eggs. In school he'd taken care of an egg. To prepare him for parenthood.

Did the teachers know just how stupid that was?

\---------------------------------------

Spike looked at the blood splattered piece of paper in his hand. Subject 24 and Hostile 17. Him. William the Bloody. Scourge of Europe. Slayer of Slayers. Spike.

He looked at the small sleeping child. Blond curls falling over her eyes. He sat down on the floor and just stared. Him. And Xander. The Slayers Whelp. Spike snorted and shook his head.

“Daddy,” Beth whimpered in her sleep. She made a low keening noise. Spike reached out and gently held her hand.

“Sshhh,” Spike soothed.

“She’s been having nightmares about the demons,” Xander said quietly. He had entered the lobby without Spike noticing.

Spike started getting up but Xander placed a warm hand on his shoulder. His thumb fleetingly touching the nape of Spike’s neck.

“Stay,” he said and sat down next to Spike.

“Tell me,” Spike said looking at Xander.

“Tell you?” Xander asked.

“About her,” Spike explained.

“Oh…well she hates carrots and…oh the Teletubbies.”

“’S my girl,” Spike grinned.

Xander looked down at his hands. “The first time she saw her game face in the mirror she cried for hours and hid under my bed. She said she didn’t want me to see her monster face. Took me four hours to convince her to come out.”

Spike let his fingers rest against her smooth forehead.

“She can control it now…mostly,” Xander said “Just not if she’s scared or feeds.”

“She feeds off you?” Spike asked.

Xander nodded.

\----------------------------------------

He was being followed.

\----------------------------------------

“Where are we going?” Xander asked. He looked uncomfortable. Beth was with Wesley and Cordy back at the hotel. They were part of Angel’s pack…at least Xander thought they were. They didn’t act like they were but…

“We’re going to see a friend. Lorne. He’ll ask you to sing,” Angel said and parked the car. Spike turned in his seat and looked back at Xander.

“You sing an’ he reads ya. Peeks at your aura or some such shite.”

“We just want to get as much information as we can. About you, Beth and what happened,” Angel clarified.

“’S wha’ I said.” Spike nodded.

\-----------------------------------------

Someone had been in the rundown house they lived in.

He could smell them.

\---------------------------------------------

Spike was looking around the bar. Plenty of people, humans and demons. Angel was talking to Lorne about what they wanted him to do and if he could do it in private. Xander probably wasn’t up for a public performance. Xander was behind them at the bar. Waiting.

Spike noticed it right away. The smell. Fear. It hit him in waves. He turned around and looked in the direction of the bar. Xander was gone. Bloody hell. He scanned the bar and finally saw Xander backed up against a wall with a human leaning close. Spike pushed his way through the crowd. He snarled and pushed a few demons that were just too slow.

“Get your hands off him!” Spike said. The man turned around and looked at Spike.

“Oh I’m sorry. I didn’t know you already had a customer,” the man - tall, broad shouldered with dark brown hair - looked at Xander. Xander seemed to want to disappear.

“If you haven’t had him before then trust me you’re in for a real treat. That boy has a mouth…” The man never finished what he was saying. Spike was in game face and was growling at him.

“Spike! Not in here!” Angel said pushing Spike away.

“And you!” Angel said looking at the man “If I ever see you near Xander again I’ll rip your fucking throat out with my bare hands,” he took Xander’s hand and pulled him across the room toward Lorne.

Spike didn’t move. He needed to keep a clear head. Focus. He really didn’t need to set the chip off. He turned and followed Angel and Xander. 

Lorne was talking to Angel again. Spike looked at Xander.

“You take men like him home with Beth there?” Spike’s disgust was obvious.

Xander looked embarrassed. “No. I-I never took them…home…never. I…in alleys and…I’d never…” There was the scent of tears in the air. Salty. Spike felt like a complete bastard.

“You okay?” Angel asked with concern.

“Yes,” Xander wiped his cheek with the back of his hand.

“Hey Sweety. I’m Lorne,” Lorne lead them into a room in the back of the bar. He told Xander to sit down. “So you just need to sing for me.”

Xander looked up at the demon. “I don’t know any songs really…can’t sing.”

“You sing for Beth,” Spike said “Heard ya.”

“Just lullabies,” Xander blushed. Spike smiled. The boy looked good like that.

“Look, Xander. It doesn’t really matter what you sing.” Angel explained.

Lorne nodded. “Angelcakes is right. Just sing anything.”

Xander cleared his throat and sang.

“Hush-a-bye baby, on the tree top,  
When the wind blows, the cradle will rock;  
When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall.  
And down will come baby, cradle, and all.”

Xander finished, face red with embarrassment.

Lorne fainted.

\----------------------------------

Xander woke up. Something was wrong.

Someone was in the house.

Sneaking.


	14. Chapter 14

Lorne was propped up with several fluffy pillows. He looked sick. Greener. And wasn’t that just weird? Xander was standing behind Spike. Angel was standing next to the chaise longue. They were in Lorne’s office in the backroom of the bar.

Lorne looked at Xander and his eyes were filled with pain and pity. Xander felt exposed and moved so Spike provided a shield between the demon and the young man.

“You…” Lorne began then closed his eyes “You need to keep the little girl away from the Initiative. They still have plans for her. They’re still looking.”

“Why? What do they want her for?” Angel asked.

“She’s the end result. The…successful experiment,” Lorne shifted trying to get comfortable “She’s the means to an end…the perfect soldier. Vampire powers, human strengths. A perfect union. Only something went wrong. They didn’t take your blind passenger into account,” Lorne looked at Xander.

“The hyena?” Angel asked. Lorne coughed then nodded.

“They knew…she…they knew,” Xander sounded upset.

“Yes, they knew but had no idea that some of it would be passed on,” Lorne took a sip from a glass of water “Whatever they did to you Xander changed you…the change wasn’t complete when they made their first attempt. That child…died. They killed it…him…when he didn’t show the expected changes.”

Spike felt Xander’s hands on his back seeking some form of reassurance.

“But Beth…she almost died. She wouldn’t feed,” Xander walked over but still kept Angel between him and Lorne.

“That would be the hyena part of her…she needed her pack,” Lorne sat up straight on the chaise longue “She saved you Xander. They were ending their experiments on you. You were of no use to them. They were getting ready to kill you.” Spike snarled when he caught scent of Xander’s fear.

“And the demons?” Angel asked “Wesley has found no reason why they would need her for a ritual.”

“She’s unique. There’s never been one like her. Imagine the power she holds. The sirens song of her blood,” Lorne pointed to Xander “He knows…He’s killed for her…demons and humans alike.”

\----------------------------------------------

Xander woke up covered in blood.

His clothes were soaked in it. He crawled away from the three dead soldiers. It wasn’t the blood or Beth crying that made him feel sick. It wasn’t his broken arm or the gaping wound in his leg.

He felt full. Sated.

Like he’d just had a three course meal.

\-----------------------------------

Lorne had asked to talk to Angel alone. Spike protested until Angel dragged him into a corner. Away from Xander.

“He needs you there with him, William.” Angel said “What ever Lorne has to tell me…it’s worse than what he just told us.”

Spike looked over at Xander. He hadn’t moved since they had left the backroom.

“You’ll tell me ’bout it?” Spike asked Angel his eyes not leaving Xander.

“If it concerns you, yes then I’ll tell you…” Angel walked away.

They were in the alley outside the backdoor leading to the bar. Xander didn’t look up when Spike joined him. The blond vampire leant against the wall. He wondered if Xander had ever earned his keep in this alley. Wondered if he was leaning against the same wall as one of those…

“A boy,” Xander said.

“Whot?” Spike hadn’t been listening. He turned slightly and looked at Xander.

“We…there was a boy. A baby boy. Like Beth but…” Spike could smell the anger building “They had no right…no…none. He wasn’t what they wanted so they killed him…he.”

A man walked by. Human mostly if the scent was anything to go by. He accidentally bumped into Xander on his way to the backdoor and unleashed all of the boy’s pent up anger. Xander grabbed the man and threw him against the wall. Fists a blur as they descended on the man.

“Bloody hell! Xander, stupid git.” Spike had to restrain him by pushing him face first into the wall.

\--------------------------------------------

The next couple of months were a blur.

They didn’t stay in one place more than one or two nights. Sometimes they slept in the sewers.

That ended after he bumped into a group of fledges.

\---------------------------------------------

“What the hell happened?” Angel asked. They were all sitting in the hotel lobby. All, except Xander. He was locked in a room in the basement. It had taken all Spike’s strength to hold on to him on the drive back and in the end Angel had to punch his lights out.

“He snapped,” Spike said.

Cordy came in from the kitchen. She looked sad and worried. She had spend the day with Beth. Angel had told her to get the girl out of the hotel. At least until they had some kind of control. The little girl was hanging on to Cordy’s skirt. She peeked out at them. Looked from person to person. Seemed to scent the air and said

“Daddy’s sad.”

Cordy sighed and picked her up. She turned and looked at Angel.

“Really Angel, keeping them apart is only going to make things worse. He wouldn’t hurt her.” She said and gave him a look that dared him to contradict her.

“Spike and I’ll take her to see him,” Angel said getting up from the couch “The rest of you stay away until we’re sure he’s…well himself again.”

\-----------------------------------------

He was slipping away.

Slip.

Slide

Slither.

Disappearing.

\--------------------------------------

Xander was sitting in a corner of the room. Rocking back and forth. Humming. The sound made shivers run down Spike’s spine. Beth was holding his hand and she looked up at him. Spike tried to smile reassuringly but didn’t really know if he was succeeding. The little girl let go of his hand and ran over to her Daddy. She stopped and gently put a small, chubby hand on Xander’s head.

“Daddy? The bad monsters went 'way Daddy.” 

Spike and Angel could see that it wasn’t the first time Beth had done this. Xander’s hand reached out for her and grabbed onto the hem of her Mickey Mouse t-shirt. Angel started to move but was stopped by Spike’s hand on his shoulder. Beth turned her head and looked at them.

“Daddy. You tell her to go ‘way! We don’t wanna have her,” Xander’s shoulders slumped and his hand crumbled the text on Beth’s t-shirt saying ’try try again’. “You can hold Mister Fang,” the little girl whispered.

“The hyena…” Angel whispered. “He got scared, angry and she took over.”

Xander’s fingers unclenched and he just sat there. Defeated. Beth crawled onto his lap and put her chubby arms around his neck. She was whispering and Xander was listening.

\------------------------------------------

He found his way back.

Through mist and haze.

She said her first word.

Daddy.

\--------------------------------------

Spike was standing in front of the door leading to the kitchen. Angel had finally agreed to let Xander out of the basement. Spike, Cordy, Wesley and Gunn had told the older vampire that Xander wasn’t Angelus, he didn’t need to be chained up in the basement. Fred had just looked really sad and pouted. Angel caved.

So now Xander was in the kitchen and he wasn’t alone. Beth was in there as well. Xander was asking what she wanted for breakfast. Spike rested his forehead against the door. He could hear their heartbeats. Xander’s slightly louder and stronger. Beth started singing and Spike smiled.

”Twinkie, twinkie, little star,  
Oh I wonder wha’ you are.”

”Eavesdropping, Spike?” Angel whispered in his ear.

Spike was about to say something when Angel pushed the door open. Beth looked straight at him and smiled. She ran over and took first Spike’s hand then Angel’s. She pulled them over to the kitchen table. Xander smiled at the sight of two Master vampires being dragged along by a three-year-old. She started putting mugs in front of them. Standing on tiptoe to reach. Napkins followed.

“Aw shit. A tea party!” Spike whispered to Angel.

“Missing Miss Edith, are you?” Angel grinned.

“Daddy, Mister Fang needs a mug too.” Beth begged.

Spike looked at the Dracula doll occupying one of the kitchen chairs.

“Who needs Miss Edith when we have Mister Fang?” Spike chuckled.


	15. Chapter 15

His face was pressed into a mattress.

It reeked of piss.

The guy kept calling him baby.

\-------------------------------------------

Xander was standing in Angel’s bedroom. It was the way of the pack. Angel had accepted him and Xander paid by protecting the pack. But he couldn’t. He was the weakest. A liability.

Xander sat down on the edge of the bed. Angel turned in his sleep. Taking a deep breath Xander reached his hand under the covers. “Mmmmmm,” Angel mumbled then froze. He opened his eyes and they just stared at each other.

Angel’s mouth open in an aborted moan. Xander a deer caught in the headlights. Eyes wide.

“Xander! What?” Angel slowly retreated as if the younger man was a dangerous animal. Crawling backwards and fumbling with his sleep pants at the same time, Angel never broke eye contact. Xander hadn’t moved, his hand hovering over the mattress.

“I…I…” Xander stammered.

“You don’t…I mean…what…”Angel pointed at Xander “ What’re you doing?” Angel slid off the bed and stumbled until his back hit the wall.

“Pack…I…I can’t hunt or…or protect the pack…so I…” Xander reeked of despair and fear. 

Angel helped Xander stand and said “You help the pack by keeping Beth safe. You don’t need to do this anymore. No more. Never again!”

Angel took Xander’s hand. The boy’s wrist was mangled. The skin red and sensitive .

“She’s getting bigger. She needs to feed more often,” Xander whispered. He tried to pull his sleeve down but Angel wouldn’t let him. He trailed his big fingers over the bite marks.

“What about pig’s blood?”

“Tried it once…she got sick. Really sick.”

“She fed off Spike without getting sick,” Angel said.

“It’s okay. It’ll heal,” Xander pulled his hand back.

“It’s getting infected, Xander. Let Spike feed her, at least until you heal up.”

\----------------------------------

Sometimes he daydreamed about Sunnydale.

His parents would be arguing.  
Willow would be researching.   
Buffy would be slaying.  
Giles would lecture.  
And Xander?  
He would…

“Get on your knees, baby. Yeah just like that!”

\-------------------------------

“Didn’t take you too long to go back to your old ways. Now did it, rentboy. “ Spike snarled in Xander’s ear as he pushed him face first into the hallway wall. Xander tried to break free but he wasn’t strong enough. He was never strong enough.

“If all you wanted was to sell your ass for protection you should’ve come to me,” Spike pushed harder against Xander’s back. Xander’s fingers clawed at the wallpaper. Shredding it under his nails. Spike wanted the boy to fight back. Wanted an excuse. Wanted to punch his lights out. He hated feeling betrayed. Seeing Xander walk out of Angel’s room with a small smile on his lips had infuriated him.

He wanted…his thoughts were interrupted by Xander’s defeated voice.

“I…I can…anything …anything you want. You’re pack…anything. Just…just…” Xander stuttered.

“Just whot?” Spike snapped.

“Just don’t hurt Beth…I’ll do…”

Spike pushed away from Xander causing the boy to fall to his knees. He was disgusted. With himself. Did Xander really think Spike could do that? Hurt Beth. He’d never hurt what was his. Never. But he had hurt Xander…even though he considered the boy his.

Xander looked up at him. “That man at the bar…he said…said I was good with…” he swallowed convulsively. Xander reached out touching Spike’s knees. His hands sliding up along the blond vampire’s thighs. Spike looked down and saw a terrified Xander look back.

Spike abruptly took a step back, then another, then another until his back hit a wall. He opened and closed his mouth. Xander started mumbling.

“Please please please please please please.”

Spike grabbed Xander by the wrists. He dragged him along ending up in the vampire’s room.

“Is she asleep?” he asked the mumbling boy.

“Yes,” Xander nodded and began undressing.

“Don’t!” Spike said stopping him by holding on to his fumbling hands.

“What do you want?” Xander asked and the pure self-loathing in his voice made Spike cringe.

“I’ll do the undressing,” the vampire said and gently undressed the boy until he was only wearing his boxers.

“On my knees or…or on m-my back?” Xander whispered.

“On the bed, on your back.” Spike commanded and Xander did as he was told.

“Right then,” Spike said and pulled the covers over the shivering boy.

“What? I don’t…” Xander started but Spike just sprawled out beside him.

“It’s real simple,” Spike smiled “You sleep.”

\------------------------------------------

His face was pressed against cool skin.

He could smell leather.

He was safe.

\-------------------------------------------

“Where is she?” Cordy had her hands stuffed full of clothes. Cute girly clothes. Beth would look soooo cute in the pink skirt and white tee.

Angel looked up. “Maybe in the kitchen?” he said.

“No, I looked everywhere. Seriously Angel look at this skirt isn’t it adorable?” Cordy held the pink skirt up for inspection. Angel looked and tilted his head slightly.

“Oh, what would you know Mister I-only-wear-dark-and-broody-clothes,” she huffed.

“Uh,” Fred said looking up from the book she was reading “I saw Spike carry Beth into his room…”

“I already looked in Xander’s room…” Cordy began.

“No, I meant Spike carried Beth into his, Spike’s, room.” Fred smiled.

\-------------------------------

“Buffy called,” Angel said. Xander flinched.

“What she want, Peaches?” Spike was sitting on the couch with Beth. The little girl was eating a Twinkie. She had white cream on her chubby fingers.

“Spike,” she said and waved her small fingers in an attempt to get the vampire to remove the stickiness. Spike was too distracted by Xander rebuilding the reception desk. His body had filled out nicely over the past four months. Four months of Spike telling him to eat and sleep. Four months where he hadn’t been alone with a massive responsibility.

“She needs help with a group of demons,” Angel watched with a smirk as Beth resigned and simply dried her fingers off on Spike’s duster.

“You going ta go on your own?” Spike asked.

“No. This is a major apocalypse. The whole crew is going,” Angel didn’t notice Xander turn and look at Spike.

“Whelp and little bit going as well?” Spike nonchalantly asked.

“We’re all going,” Angel repeated.


End file.
